The cost of dating takes its toll not only in Emotional Cost and Financial Cost, but also with the time and energy wasted on dating. So how to turn this into a positive and go beyond positive thinking? One, reflect on you past experiences. Take your last two relationships for example and answer the following questions. 1) Why did you break up? 2) What were the biggest issues you had? 3) When did you first notice the issue? 5) Were you in the same relationship?

Were these same issues raised early on in the relationship? As Natalie at Baggage Reclaim says, "If one or both of you are in lala land and cannot be real, the relationship is doomed because you're not equitable partners, you're not in the same relationship, and you're not working at the same relationship. 6) Would you take that person back now or in the future? Once you have your answers, there may be a pattern. Eg 1 I don't want someone who won't commit to me.

For example, these last two ex's may have exhibited the same traits eg commitment phobe, addictive personality, living an unbalanced life, cheated on you, lost his job then expected you to support him …. The next step is to think about then write what you don't want. Eg 2 I don't want someone who is lazy and expects to be supported. Next, turn the negative to a positive. The following step is more on a metaphysical level. 'Want' or 'Try' are not helpful words.

Eg 1 I want someone who is committed to me and our relationship. Eg 2 I want someone who has a good work ethic and provides for me. There are certain words in the world which are powerless. If you want something, you are concentrating on the wanting, ie you do not have it and so are focusing on the lack. For example – Do these actions. 1 Try to pick up a cup. 2 Want to pick up a cup. 3 Pick up a cup. Now which of these actions actually resulted in the cup being picked up?